How Does It Feel?
by Superifikk
Summary: What does it feel like to be Manny Santos? Read and find out! (Chapter 5 6 are up!)
1. Chapter 1

How Does It Feel?  
  
Disclaimer -- I DO NOT own Degrassi, or any of it's characters, trademarks, logos, plots, storylines, or dialogue/quotes. I am using their characters with out permission, but I however DO NOT intend to steal their characters, and such.  
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A/N: Hello peoples! This is my first Degrassi fic, so please don't flame me! So anyways, here's a little info about the story itself. The title, "How Does it Feel?" is a song by Avril Lavigne, although my story is not a songfic. My story is divided up into chapters. There is a main plot, and a sub-plot. The whole story is in Manny's point of view. And what else.. Oh! This takes place after Accidents Will Happen.  
  
Thanks for respecting my ability to write stories for your readings! )  
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Morning Ritual  
  
-Outside DCS Before Class-  
  
Everybody talks. Not about the latest celebs, or the latest couples. Me. Everyday when I dreadfuly walk amongst the many faces who point and talk, they're talking about me. I try to ignore them, but I can't help but think what their actually talking about. I wonder if they actualy know what it's like to be me, and having the only reason to go to school is to learn new things, and pass the 9th grade. But I bet they don't.  
  
I see JT waiting at the top of the stairs, like he was waiting for someone. Maybe me? I have no clue.  
  
"Good morning, Manny."  
"Hi, JT."  
"Is something wrong?"  
"No, just wishing that I didn't have to go to school, is all."  
"Why? Did I do something wrong? If I did, you'd promise to tell me, right?"  
"JT, it's not.."  
I pause, because I see Craig talking to Ashley a few feet away.  
It seems as if life is going in slow motion because I watch as Ashley starts to cry. Craig hands her a note, and then leaves as he says goodbye.  
"Manny?"  
I look foolishly back at JT, beacause I thought that I had missed something important.  
"I'm sorry, what?"  
"You were just about to say something about if it was my fault?"  
"Oh, it's not. Sorry."  
JT nodds and opens the door for me. I smile and nod, thanking him for being so kind. I guess, he's the only guy who talks to me, without saying rude remarks like, "I can't believe you would do something like that!".  
  
-Manny's Locker-  
  
I open my locker, and I see Emma standing near by at her locker talking to Liberty. Probably about the new issue of the Grapevine since she is helping her. I over-hear their conversation as I get my binder out for Mr. Armstrong's class.  
  
"So, Emma, you do realize that I will be off for a few more days that I told you."  
"Yes, Liberty you already told me. I just wanted to let you know, that there's this new editorial from somebody unknown."  
"Oh, well did you see who brought it in?"  
"No, but it has something in it about Manny."  
  
My heart stops. Something about ME? How could someone write something about me? I mean, that's totally brutal! Unless it was like an opinion piece. God, I hope not.  
  
"Oh, well Emma just bring it to the room after Media Immersion, okay?"  
"Okay, I'll stop by just for a quick drop-off."  
Liberty nods and goes back to doing something with her calculator.  
  
Emma grabs her notebook and leaves. Liberty grabs her books and heads for the room. I leave, and dreadfully walk behind her.  
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That's Chapter 1! Please R/R! :) 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey! Here's Chapter 2! Hope you like! PLZ R/R!  
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The Day Goes On  
  
-Mr. Armstrong's Room-  
  
I keep my head low as I enter the room. Everyone glances at me as they continue their conversations. I sit in the corner next to JT and take out our last assignment. Mr. Armstrong stands up from his desk as he quicky glances at todays plans and heads for the door just as Liberty enters and the bell rings.  
  
"All right, class take out your books and turn to Chapter 12 about Algebra. Oh, and Emma, could you please collect the homework?"  
  
Emma nods, and goes around the room picking up the homework. As she continues down my row, I hear a "psst" behind me. I turn around, and see Liberty.  
  
"Manny."  
"What?"  
"I heard there's some gossip going around about you. Besides the fact that.. well nevermind."  
Tears form behind my eyes. Once again rumors start to spread.  
"Oh yeah? Well what do they say?"  
"Sorry, but I've been sworn to secrecy," and she turns goes back to doing her work.  
I turn around and think. Was it about that editorial someone gave to Emma? Or was it still about me and Craig. I had no idea, but I wish that someone would tell me. JT! Maybe he would know!  
  
The whole class is discussing the work problems, sharing answers, and even not doing their work. Mr. Armstrong grades the homework, so he doesn't really know.  
  
I turn to JT. Should I ask him? Maybe he was the one who started the rumors. Or maybe he sent in that paper! Oh my god! I so hope that he wouldn't do such a thing to me! I stammer as I turn to ask him.  
  
"J- JT?"  
"Yes?"  
"Do you know anything about me that I don't?"  
"Um.. what do you mean?"  
"Like.."  
As soon as I'm about to tell him, I have flashbacks once again. Me and Craig. Kissing in his garage. What if someone came in? What if Ashley saw us? Poor girl. Now that I think about it, I just want to appologize, even though she won't forgive me. But what about me? Doesn't she feel sorry for me? Like the day I had to go to the doctor to check for STD's and found out that I was pregnant? Doesn't she feel that I should deserve some sympathy? Guess not, for the fact that she won't even talk to me.  
  
"Manny?"  
I feel so dumb, and I once again appologize.  
"JT, I am so sorry."  
"It's alright. Now hurry before Armstrong catches us."  
"Have you heard rumors about me besides.. Well.. you know?"  
"No, not really. Oh but I do know that someone sumbited an article to the Grapevine about and teen pregnancies."  
  
My eyes widen and I am short on breath. Me. In an article on teen pregnancies. Now everyone will know that doesn't already. How could somebody do this to me? Doesn't anyone care?  
  
I see a tear drop to the floor. JT notices as well. I wipe it away and continue on my worksheet.  
  
"Manny? Are you okay?"  
I don't reply. I heard him, but I just act as if he never said a word.  
He looks at me, and turns back to his work as well.  
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	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for all your sweet replies!  
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Horror Stories  
  
-The Hallways-  
  
Before I know it, the day is halfway over already. I think once again of all those memorable times with Craig. I was lucky that no one caught us. Except for the time when Emma came home early from the Rave. But I don't want to get into that now.  
  
The flashbacks return.  
  
-Media Immersion Lab-  
  
As I enter just as the bell rings, I sit next to Emma. She doesn't really recognize me, but glances over as I take my seat.  
  
"Alright class, you're all going to be studying the HTML terms for the next pop quiz that I'm going to give out on Monday."  
I start going over the terms, when all the sudden I recieve a new email. It's from JT.  
  
It said: "I found out something from Emma this morning. The person who sent in the article was Ashley."  
  
Ashley. Why would she send in something like that? How did Emma know? Maybe she saw me and didn't want to tell me.  
  
I look over at JT. He's concentrating hard and looks up at me. I look back at the screen. Embarrassed and ashamed. I never had feelings for a guy like him before like this. I guess, ever since I found out the Craig was with Ashley, I was very disappointed, so I stopped liking him. Then JT came into the picture, and he made everything almost normal for my life.  
  
-The Hallway-  
  
I'm on my way to my locker, walking on the right, when somebody trips me. I fall flat on my face and my books scatter away from me. Everyone laughs and points. I quickly gather myself and my books and head for the washroom crying my eyes out.  
  
-The Girls' Washroom-  
  
I run to the sink set my books down and look at myself in the mirror. My mascara is running and my lipgloss is practically gone.  
  
'Why?' I think. Why did I start to dress differently? Why does Emma now hate me? Why did I destroy a poor, innocent child's life? Why? Why does the world hate me?  
  
I start to cry. I run into one of the empty stalls, and sit on the toilet lid sobbing. I hear someone open the door. Through the tiny crack between where the wall and the door connects, I see who it is. Paige.  
  
She fixes with ther hair, then applies some lipgloss. She looks over at my books and sees my name written on them.  
  
"Manny?"  
I wipe my eyes and open the door.  
"Manny, is something bothering you?"  
That's a first. Paige actually being nice to me.  
"Well.. Sorta."  
"Is it about Ashley? How she posted that article about you? Well.. not exactly about you, but.. about, you know."  
"I haven't actually read it, so I don't know. But what I do know is that someone's spreading rumors about me. Do you know anything?"  
"Well usually I'm the first to know these things but, I swore the person who started them that I wouldn't tell anyone, especially you. But since I'm feeling generous today, I'll give you some slack."  
I nod, and she leans up against the sink.  
"Craig, said that you wanted him to do it harder and harder, and that he didn't want to, but you made him, and then he came and that's how you got pregnant. He was going to pull out, but he couldn't because of you. That's what I heard."  
How could someone do that? I mean, it's like, doesn't anyone care?  
  
I quickly grab my books and run out of the washroom.  
"Manny, hun!"  
And that's all I heard as I ran down the halls crying.  
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A/N: This chapter's pretty intense! The next one's going to be even MORE intense! Hope you like! ;) 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Again, thanks for all of your kind reviews! After this chapter 4, I'm going to start to add multiple chapters at one time, so it might take a while before you actually see some more chapters. But I'll try my best! :) Oh, and I also forgot to mension, this chapter's going to be short. Just to warn you! :P - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
I Feel Your Pain  
  
-The Zen Garden-  
  
I sit and stare at the ground. I watch a leaf blow accross the sidewalk. I listen to the coversations going on inside the school. I wipe my tears away and rub them on my jeans. I hear the door open in the distance. Who could it be this time?  
  
Paige walks around the corner and sees me.  
"Manny, I know what you're going through."  
"How?"  
"Well, remember last year when that guy Dean from Bardell came to our school, and I totally warned you about him?"  
"Yeah.."  
She pauses for a second, then sits next to me.  
"Well, the reason I did was because.. He.. He raped me."  
My heart drops. Paige, raped? How could this be true?  
"Really?" I look into her hazel eyes.  
"Yeah. So I know how you feel about having no one to talk to."  
I look back down and I think for a second.  
"How about this."  
She turns her body and faces me.  
"You and I have a latte at the Dot after school. It will cheer you up, and later we can hang at my house."  
I smirk and Paige looks under at my face.  
"Did I just see a smile? C'mon. It's called, 'Caffine Therapy'."  
I look up at her and nod.  
"Then it's a deal. I'll see you around 3:00, ok?"  
"Yeah, thanks Paige!"  
She pats my leg.  
"No problem, hun!"  
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A/N: Told you it was short! But I just wanted to get the fact that Paige was going to help her in this chapter. Hope you guys are enjoying!  
  
Here's a spoiler for all my fans! In the next chapter, Manny finds that Paige can be a helpful resource on coping with the pain and agony of having no one to talk to. 


	5. Chapter 5

ATTENTION: Sorry! I took a long break, and I was really busy! I'll get the next set of chapters up!  
  
A/N: The spoiler was true, so just to let you know. There's also going to be a really big shocker in the next chapter. I bet you can't wait! )  
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Healing Springs  
  
-The DCS Foyer-  
  
Here I am, about 5 minutes to 3, awaiting for Paige. I look down every hall about 5 times every minute. I finally see her walking with Spinner. She kisses him on the cheek, then he leaves to walk with Jimmy and Marco.  
  
"Hey! So you decided to show up after all?"  
I give her a suspicious look.  
"Just kidding, hun! C'mon."  
  
-On The Way To The Dot-  
  
We walk together down the street to the Dot Grill. I am feeling a little better, since I have Paige walking along side me. Normally I wouldn't be caught dead walking alone. Who knows what might happen to me. I might get mugged or something even worse. That's why I always rush home, or call my mom to pick me up.  
  
-The Dot-  
  
We stand at the counter and order our lattes. Paige pays the cashier and walks to find an empty table. We sit and look out the window and see Ashley and Ellie walk past.  
  
"So, what's really bugging you."  
"Well, the fact that Ashley won't even speak a word to me, and that everyone's spreading rumors and about every other week, I hear a new one starts."  
"Well, you just have to face the facts."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, like say you're best friend got injured. You just have to deal that one day she'll get better. And one day all the rumors will stop, and you'll be moving on with your life."  
"Oh."  
Paige takes a sip of her latte.  
"Paige?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Well, this is kinda stupid to ask."  
"Hey, I've probably heard worse."  
"Do you actually know what happened to me? I mean, with Craig?"  
"Well, I'm usually the one who uh, lets just say, 'starts the gossip line', but not everything. I mean I know you guys hooked up, and stuff, but, no, tell me."  
"Well, Craig.. He.. He got me pregnant."  
"Are you serious? He didn't protect you?"  
"No."  
"Oh my god, that's like such a big deal! I mean, if he REALLY cared about you, he'd use protection!"  
"I know."  
"And, I thought Craig would've cared more!"  
"Paige.."  
"Don't you?"  
"Paige!"  
"Sorry."  
"I.."  
"Manny.."  
"Well, I.."  
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A/N: Nice way to cut that chapter off, eh? Muahaha! :) So anyways, please R&R! 


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I've got a few ideas to go, then I'm finally finished! This chapter's a little on the short side.  
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The Truth Comes Out  
  
"Paige, I had an abortion."  
"Manny.."  
"I know, it was wrong but.. I didn't want to have the baby."  
Paige looked out the window with a mixed emotion on her face.  
I sat there looking at the clock. 4:30. I didn't feel comfortable anymore. I needed to leave.  
"Paige, I have to go."  
"Manny, was it something I said, because I don't really mean to be.."  
I get up quickly and grab my jacket.  
"No, Paige it's not you, it's me."  
I walk out the door and Paige's eyes watch me as I run down the street to my house.  
  
I start to slow down, knowing that I'm out of sight from The Dot. But then I see a bunch of older kids staring at me, whispering thoughts into each other's ears. I heard one that said, "Isn't she the slut who had an abortion?" I was extremely in emotional pain, so I decided to run as fast as I could to my house.  
  
I was so confused when I got home. I had no idea of what was happening to my life. I wanted to go home. I wanted to get out of my skin.  
  
I finally got to my porch and opened the door. I flew onto the couch and started crying. I burried my face into the pillows. I was helpless.  
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A/N: Strong, huh? ONE MORE CHAPTER! 


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